How Anxiety Presents itself in Every-day Tasks: “Do-er” versus “Avoider”
Today I am sharing with you the difference between “Do-ers” and the “Avoiders”, and helping you understand how anxiety can present itself in unhealthy ways. By the end of this post you will have a sense of the difference between the two, and also learn ways of finding a healthy balance.
There’s a lot to cover here, so let’s get started…
Anxiety and How it Presents itself in Daily Tasks
Anxiety tends to take over from time to time. If you have anxiety, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The thing is, you probably experience that feeling of falling on one end of the spectrum.
You either A) Feel like you have to get things done. And I don’t mean just little things. I mean ALL the things, or
B) Feel like you just want to cover your eyes or ignore or avoid. And again, I don’t mean just the little things. I mean ALL the things.
If we look at anxiety on a spectrum, one end is the anxious-do-er or the anxious overfunctioner. On the other end is the anxious avoider or the anxious underfunctioner.
Okay, So… I know where I tend to be on the spectrum, but now what?
One common misconception is that one is “better than” the other. The anxious do-er’s wishes they could be carefree like the anxious avoiders.
The anxious avoiders wish they could be more productive like the anxious do-ers.
However, neither one is helpful nor healthy to live by all of the time.
Instead: You want to have a little of both. You want to find a balance between the two that is helpful and healthy for you.
Anxiety: "Do-er” versus “Avoider”
Let’s take a look at the difference between the
“Do-er” and the “Avoider”
The “Do-er”:
This person tends to be the one who appears to “have it all together, all of the time.” This person tends to want to have some sense of control (or at least feel like it). And this person tends to take over or take charge when things are not going as planned. This person tends to have tasks in mind, checking off many items on a list. This person strives for perfectionism. This person is referred to as the “Overachiever.”
The “Avoider”:
This person tends to be the one who appears to be “messy.” This person tends to let others take control and relies on other people for tasks, planning, chores, etc. This person is often looked as the person who needs assistance, since they are avoiding, with said tasks, plans, chores. This person is referred to as the “Underachiever.”
If you are confused, I’ll explain a little more.
Anxiety is a feeling. The behavior is the achievement or the overfunctioning. The behavior is the avoidance or the underfunctioning.
We can’t control our feelings (well, not always); but we can control our behaviors.
Behaviors are often learned.
For the overfunctioners - somewhere along the way (possibly childhood?) you learned that one way to control your anxiety is to constantly be doing. Or perhaps you learned that in order to be “good enough” you had to achieve, do or be the best, or prove your worth (to give a few examples).
For the underfunctioners - somewhere along the way (again, possibly childhood) you learned that avoiding gave you some comfort and it was maybe easier to avoid than to feel criticism. Perhaps you learned along the way that you couldn’t measure up anyway, so why try? (again, just to give a couple examples)
There is HOPE!
Overfunctioners must learn that You are loved/worthy/important just as you are. It’s okay if you don’t have it all together, all of the time. You must learn that your identity is not based on your achievements. And you must learn to be vulnerable.
Underfunctioners must learn that you, too, are loved/worthy/important just as you are. It’s important for you to recognize your strengths, what you are capable of, and to put it into action.
Neither is “easy”, but both are achievable. You must put in intentional effort, self-reflection, and practice. Practice, practice, practice. At first, it will be more difficult. But over time, it will become easier and more automatic.
Brené Brown is an excellent resource to use if you have not heard of her yet. She has many books. I have one of my favorites from her listed on my “E-Course and Resources”.
And if you’re ready to being your counseling journey to work on your anxiety, feel free to reach out!
If you have questions, click the button below. And remember - you can be provided with a FREE 15 minute phone consultation.
